That old feeling....

"My infertility resides in my heart as an old friend. I do not hear from it for weeks at a time, and then, a moment, a thought, a baby announcement or some such thing, and I will feel the tug -- maybe even be sad or shed a few tears. And I think, `There's my old friend.' It will always be a part of me ...."
(Barbara Eck Menning, 1977)

I found this quote a while back...I can't remember what I was searching for online but it was probably related to infertility since Barbara Eck Menning is noted for some book she wrote in the 1970s about this very topic that makes my heart ache.  Sometimes, I think I won't let small things get me down...like news of someone expecting  a baby or news of baby being born.  I am truly happy for these ladies and their families.  But, I can't help but feel sad for me and my condition that has so far prevented me from having the babies I so desire.  Lately, it seems I've been feeling kinda of down...because of it. 

I sometimes feel like time is flying by so fast.  I don't know how to be happy without thinking "if only"...I am filled with regrets and I wish I could somehow turn back the clock and be more proactive about being healthy and taking control of my PCOS.  I still remember that day in the doctor's office when he told me the diagnosis of PCOS....and that I couldn't have babies.  But, you know...that's not entirely true....since that day 8 years ago...I have since gone to doctors who have told me I *can* get pregnant but with medical assistance...aka medicine and/or medical procedures.  But, that old feeling creeps in from time to time when my heart aches for a baby and I think about how unfair it all seems.