Reconciling with my Kitchen

I have been thinking about reconciling with my kitchen for a long time.  I'm not one of those people who only uses a microwave to cook with.  I actually enjoy preparing a home cooked meal on the stove top or occasionally in the oven.  I make my signature white rice with a hint of  diced garlic or  bell pepper (depending on what I have on hand).  I also make mouth-watering seasoned pork chops topped with carmelized onions and sauteed mushrooms.  My problem is not with making food.  It's dealing with the little things like meal-planning (I wish I could do it more than a day ahead, my goal is weekly menus) or keeping up with my dishes  (I have a dishwater, but somehow I still have dishes to wash).  I think some of my disdain and frustration towards my kitchen has to come from my tendency to eat comfort foods and my ill-fated good intentions for healthy eating.  While I do have veggies and lettuce in my refrigerator, many times I end up throwing it out because they get spoiled.  One of the things that I have read about having PCOS is that I should eat foods from the low glycemic index which would require me to consume a low carbohydrate diet.   It's hard for me to say adieu to pasta, and rice-- they are easy to eat and make after a long day at work.  I find making salad a chore and not pleasant at all.  But, I think I need to change my attitude towards food and not look at it about making me feel good (hello, fries!), but instead look at the benefits of eating foods good for my body (hi, baby carrots!).  As I get older, I realize the importance of what I put in my mouth and how it affects me (fatigue, weight gain, and other factors).  Also, if I EVER have children, I need to consider...do I want them to grow up healthy or obese?? 

A kitchen is supposed to be the hub of food preparation, food storage, and most specifically a place of nutrition (not a fats & sugar conglomerate-- scheming towards a future of diabetes, high cholesterol, and obesity).  But, I think I've been in denial of dealing with my food choices for a long time--- mainly due to using comfort foods to ease my stress and feeding my emotional distress.  I do enjoy making meals.  So, I think I need to concentrate on preparing healthier dishes for myself and make myself rely less on sugary or fried food temptations.  It is a challenge to change one's way of eating, but it does start with the kitchen.  It's the place of preparation, so this includes having things organized and tidied in a way that makes it easy to live healthy.  Like having the blender ready-to-go for smoothies.  Or having baby carrots ready for snack grazing.  Or having food ready for my lunch at work (instead of sometimes going to the nearby fast food drive-thru).  Eating healthy takes planning, and at first it will be hard to follow through because habits are hard to break, but I HAVE TO DO THIS.  I want to be healthy.  I want to lose all this extra weight that makes me feel tired or not want to move.  I can beat being fat.  I can be fit and healthy.  I CAN DO IT.  I need to believe in me and take it one day at a time, and not let slip-ups deter me.  So, if I indulge in eating fries it's not the end of the world.  I just need to pick myself up off the couch, and reach for the baby carrots in the fridge. 

When I think of the word: reconcilation; I am reminded of what that REALLY means.  I think of forgiveness:  I need to forgive myself of things that make me feel bad about myself and let bygones be bygones.  All my yesterdays are ancient history and all my tomorrows are unwritten and are blank pages waiting to be filled by what I do today.  If I decide to go after my daily goals like doing some minimal exercise, organizing my home, or catching up on a task I've been delaying-- then that is me being productive.  But, if I resign myself to vegging in front of the TV, I am neglecting myself and my goals.  I need to accept my reality.  So, I am divorced and I need to be okay with that.  The vision of my future has been turned upside down and now I'm creating a new landscape of what the "new" future could be for me.  Dealing with my PCOS is something I need to work on more steadfastly since I have neglected it for a long time.  As with any diagnosis, dealing with it can be quite taxing and cumbersome.  I have sometimes had to deal with people who think PCOS is not a real thing, but it is.  It's not just about having irregular periods and unexplained infertility; it's also about how it effects my overall health, how it's harder to lose weight than normal, how some symptoms are more aggravated than others (like thinning hair).  So, I feel I need to reconcile with myself, my body, my diet, and my kitchen.  I know we are our worst critics and as we grow older it's harder to forgive ourselves. But, if we are ever to get "out of a rut" which includes bad eating habits, a sedentary lifestyle, or whining about how life is unfair--- then we need to take the first step towards a new life.  It's never too late.  It's only too late when diabetes takes our life away or when obesity has rendered us homebound, bedridden, and disabled.  I don't want to get that far gone that I can't turn things around.  I still can.  So, I make a choice to do something about it.  Maybe that first step is with reorganizing, cleaning my kitchen, pitching "bad" foods, and stocking up on "good" foods.  It's all about making good choices for a healthier life style.  Take it one step at a time.  Forgive yourself, make a change, and move forward.  Life is about new beginnings and second chances.   Change is possible.  Be stronger than your greatest food temptation.  It's hard, but you can do it.  And so I will try harder this year to conquer my bad food habits and turn them into healthy ones.  I will do this...if not...you can come kick my butt.